Guilt-ridden Angel

In 365 Days: Volunteer

2012-01-25T22:29:00.000+08:00

The amazing people I work with
Who keep me coming back for more

In 365 Days: Guinea Pig

2012-01-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

A new addition to the animal family!

In 365 Days: Crash

2012-01-23T22:16:00.000+08:00

And we lost our dining table on the first day of Chinese New Year

In 365 Days: Let's Get Fizzical

2012-01-22T22:02:00.000+08:00

It was an amusing phrase
From a horrible tasting drink

In 365 Days: Night Life

2012-01-21T22:00:00.002+08:00

She brought me around town that night
And we had breakfast and wine
We were happy

Fool

2012-01-21T10:00:00.002+08:00

No excuses for my actions

Sometimes I'm a fool
For throwing away the people that actually care about me
And running after the people that don't

I take advantage of the fact that you care
And that you'll always be there
And selfishly use you
Forgetting that everyone has a limit

And then when you get sick of my selfishness
You turn and walk away
Only then would I run after you to tell you I'm sorry
Only then would I realise the things you've done for me
Only then would I regret my actions

What I did that night was horrible
I didn't mean to make use of you
I didn't mean to make you feel like a last choice decision
I shouldn't have called you up afterwards and rudely rubbed salt in your wounds
It was a self-centered action

I know that no amount of apologies can make you feel better
I know that things may not go back to how it was
I'm not playing the victim
Because I'm not one. You are.
I'm not good at fixing broken relationships
And I screw up more often then not
But I'm really sorry about that night.

In 365 Days: Contradictions

2012-01-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

The more we talked
The more I realised we are very contradictory people

In 365 Days: We be studious people

2012-01-19T21:42:00.001+08:00

We studied indeed.

In 365 Days: Work

2012-01-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

'Nuff said.

In 365 Days: Pomogranate Margarita

2012-01-17T01:35:00.002+08:00

It has been a long time
Since we sat down with drinks
And watched while the world passed by

It has been a long time
Since we've had a date
That didn't end up in tears.

In 365 Days: Weather

2012-01-16T01:33:00.000+08:00

While the sun makes every picture I take look amazing
I don't quite like the humidity that comes with it.

In 365 Days: Double Date

2012-01-15T01:27:00.001+08:00

It was my first time on a double date
Because usually no one could get along with anyone.

In 365 Days: Tea

2012-01-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

For a moment
It seemed time re-winded
And it was just two of us sitting there enjoying each others' company
For a moment
It seemed like the old days
When it was you and me and nothing else mattered

Then you went back to reality
And brought disappointment along.

In 365 Days: Night Light

2012-01-13T16:35:00.001+08:00

It was cold
We were shivering
But it was well worth it

In 365 Days: Fairy Lights

2012-01-12T12:11:00.001+08:00

I put up fairy lights,
So that you'd find your way home,
If you ever lose it,
Back to me.

In 365 Days: Warm Soup

2012-01-11T12:09:00.002+08:00

Finally got my hands on the new soup that Itacho Sushi release
While having dinner with Candice

In 365 Days: Lamp Post

2012-01-10T12:08:00.001+08:00

They spread light
To the darkened alleys
And cold, cold night

In 365 Days: Judgement

2012-01-09T11:06:00.000+08:00

We talked about discrimination today
About how it was bad for society
About how we were merely human

In 365 Days: Inbetween the Lines

2012-01-08T10:53:00.001+08:00

You need to learn how to read between the lines
Else they'll trap you in their nets.

In 365 Days: A Huge Mistakes Eraser

2012-01-07T20:31:00.001+08:00

It was a Christmas gift from a friend
But it got me thinking how we all need something like that

In 365 Days: Shopping

2012-01-06T23:48:00.001+08:00

Shopping
With my cousin
Success

In 365 Days: Another

2012-01-05T12:37:00.000+08:00

Just another day
Another hour
Another minute
Another second
Spent doing nothing.

In 365 Days: Daily Vitamin

2012-01-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

No
I simply can't
Live without this can.

In 365 Days: Going back to the Start

2012-01-03T10:27:00.003+08:00

It's back to school today.

In 365 Days: The End

2012-01-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

Let's try to make it back together

In 365 Days: A Quiet Start

2012-01-01T09:12:00.002+08:00

In a quiet cafe,
With a cup of tea.
That was how I begun my 2012.

the forbidden question

2011-12-27T01:27:00.002+08:00

Have you gotten tired?
Tired of me?

Lately you keep your distance
You'd rather not hold me
Like I'm something
Embarrassing

Is that it?
You're bored now?

runway

2011-12-16T01:16:00.005+08:00

I must be delusional
I must be hearing things

Tonight it seems like
There's a huge number of planes
Going off somewhere else

And each time I hear one
My head goes up and I think
"Maybe he's on that one."

Then I shake my head
"Can't be, that's too early."
Or "No, it's already 9pm."

We fight with each other
We get frustrated
We feel hopeless and we threaten to leave

But we never do

Now,
Even though it's only for a few days
I feel incredibly lonely

I'm not getting a call tonight
I won't be able to demand you go online
I won't be seeing your face for awhile

And it scares me

I miss you
Come home quick

burnt out

2011-12-13T22:41:00.003+08:00

Take rest;
A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
- Ovid

Despite the air of
Nonchalance
I'm indeed burnt out

Hence, I'm going on a getaway
On the New Year's
And I won't be contactable

Not because I
No longer enjoy your company
But merely
I
Need a little time to myself

cold, crazy place

2011-12-11T15:55:00.002+08:00

If I disappeared
I wonder if anyone would notice

I need a break
From everyone
Away from anyone who knows me
And just be by myself

But

Funny how I
Who has never had problems
Of being alone
Is afraid of being left behind

i'm confused

2011-12-08T16:44:00.002+08:00

Reaching out to grab it
But grasping at thin air

I don't feel like dreaming anymore
I just want to go back
To reality
Where things won't disappoint me

I want a real man
Who knows what he wants
And goes after it
Not wait for it to happen

But you wouldn't know that
Or you wouldn't be like that
I'm sick and tired
Of you so-called 'men'

alone

2011-11-28T15:40:00.002+08:00

I don't know who
I can talk to anymore

I don't like being here
I'd rather be anywhere else
Where they are nicer
And more sincere

I can't tell
The difference between
Your lies and truth anymore
If there were any truths at all

chin up girl

2011-11-24T19:18:00.003+08:00

"Chin up baby girl, he said to me,
"You still have ways to go."

Nothing's going right this week
Murphy seems to be my best friend now
But I'll make it
I won't let them beat me down

Forgetting to check-in lately

2011-11-01T02:21:00.002+08:00

This is me, Lord,
Just checking in

I got carried away
With myself
And I started to see things
From my point-of-view

I forced things
To fit in my box
Refusing to
Allow them to shape me

And I realised
I forgot to
Live not for my sake
But for His

My purpose here
Is first to love
And follow
In His footsteps

If I can't
Accomplish that
I can't go any further
Than this

I need to love
And live
For Him
I need to live for the King

I need to stop
Being what I despise
I need to start
Checking in with Him again

No more lip service God
I'm coming back

An Antisocial Society

2011-10-25T08:07:00.006+08:00

He rambles on
But we don't really hear him

We are youths
Wanting to change the world
But no one
Seems to hear us

We tell you of
Where society is heading
You scoff -
We're too young, what do we know?

So we turn away
Because talking to you
Is like talking to a wall
And we'll lose our voices sooner or later

But you turn around
And blame us
Calling us unfeeling
When you didn't listened when we first begin shouting

“I like him. I really do,” I said, not daring to meet your eyes, “But he isn’t the one who will make me happy.”

“Isn’t happiness something you decide?” you smirked at me, “Just make yourself believe you’re happy, like you always do,”

- Happiness

in your typical romance

2011-10-21T00:46:00.006+08:00

Lights seem to turn neon
Whenever you're around

And you'd be perfect
For each other
Like soulmates
Who met in another century

You understand
The questions unasked
Completing each other
Like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle

You can't see
The love you have
Not just yet
Because you're not ready

And when you
Least expect it
You'll suddenly realise
You're perfect for each other

you're only at the start

2011-10-19T11:46:00.004+08:00

If you think you're done
Think again
You still have ways to go

If you're sure what you're doing
Is absolutely right
Think again
You could be absolutely wrong

If you believe your journey with God
Has already reached the peak
Try harder
Only God is perfect

I try to follow in His footsteps
I try not to judge others
Because I am not perfect
But why do you keep judging me?

You aren't God
So stop telling me
You know best
Because you may not

nothing

2011-10-08T04:54:00.002+08:00

What happens after we run out of road?

Somehow
It feels like
I mean nothing
Nothing at all to you

And it makes
Me wonder
If I made the right
Decision

Leaving someone
Who loved me
Truly
For someone who loves himself

But you
Don't care
You never did
And he still does

see through

2011-09-29T04:22:00.004+08:00

We're no good for each other
But neither can I survive without you

We're falling apart
Because
We can't seem to remember
The promises we made to each other

We were both selfish people
Refusing to change
Not wanting to adapt
So we fall apart

Tonight you didn't call
Last night you didn't tell me
You loved me
Tomorrow you'll go

Whether we end here or not
Is your choice to make
Because I'm tired
Of making decisions for us

But if you're too busy
I understand
I'll go
I'll smile and say goodbye

tired

2011-09-22T05:43:00.003+08:00

In a relationship
Two or more people work to make it happen
Or it isn't a relationship at all

You can have all the money in the world
But you can't buy happiness
I thought you knew
Guess you didn't

Is it too much
To ask for a man
Not a boy ?
Just a grown-up man ?

I don't care
If your face looks like crap
Or if your bank book says zero
It was never about those

I simply want
A guy that will stand by me.
Who will support and care for me.
Who loves me.

But it seems like,
I'm asking for the impossible.
Because to you, doing herculean tasks
Is easier then loving me.

stonewall

2011-09-16T18:11:00.002+08:00

So we make our own way out
Since you tried to block all exit routes

You can block all the exits
We'll just make new ones
You can run us down
We'll just pull you down to stand up

You can't break us
Because we won't allow you
You can't break us
Because only we can break ourselves

padlock

2011-09-14T11:39:00.002+08:00

I hate you
Because I'm afraid of you
I'm sorry

And so I promise
I will try not
To turn out like you

So
I lock everything
Under mountains of padlocks

And
I pray that
They won't rust

unknown

2011-09-10T02:43:00.002+08:00

Knowing what i want
But not knowing how to get there
And if i can even make it
Is frightening

I refuse to be like you
Forever self-pitying
Forever self-glorifying
And when things go wrong, you blame everyone else

The cycle stops here
I won't be like any of you

(not so) helping hand

2011-09-06T03:57:00.004+08:00

I think I probably
Added on to the destruction
of their belief in humanity

We go there
And hold their hands
And make them laugh

Then we go home
Thinking we did good
Believing we helped them

When actually we probably helped
To destroy their remaining trust and faith
In pathetic humanity

- Reasons why I hate Mission Trips

post-it reminders

2011-09-05T05:50:00.002+08:00

it's beautiful

that's why when it cuts

you can't stop bleeding

post-it reminders

to remind me

to be careful

what he says to me

has been said to someone else

and i shouldn't trust him

after all
it's not as if
he's done anything to gain that trust

repeating history

2011-09-01T05:46:00.000+08:00

A teacher told me once

"History repeats itself, and we learn it in hope that it doesn't."

But it does, Mister, no matter how much we learn about it.

I found God. Or rather, He found me. And He forced me to get know Him better.

And I did. I fell in love. And I thought, "Everyone should know His love too!"

Four years down the road, I couldn't be bothered anymore. Not because I lost my faith in Him. But simply because, I lost my faith in His people.

And then a thought comes. A frightful one. And maybe, I'm wrong about it, and that such things are way over my head. Which means I shouldn't think of it and let the cleverer people do that thinking instead. But, the similarities between the people of my faith and the people who were against my faith in Jesus' time are increasing. Perhaps, I'm twisting the Gospel for my own needs and reasons. But then again, these are my thoughts, not yours. And you can fuck off, if you don't want to read it.

We have become like the Rich Man who could not give up his riches to follow God. Likewise, we are unable to give up our earthly possessions to follow God.

We have become like the chief priests and scribes who mock and frown upon Jesus, simply because he was different, though they worshiped the same God. Likewise, we mock when Christians sing their praise of a loving God. We frown upon them for being loud whereas we are quiet. Even though, we worship the same Father.

We have become like the merchants who trading within the temple walls, before Jesus came to kick them out. Likewise, we check the stock markets when we are supposed to be in prayer.

I can go on and on, but I highly doubt it would be interesting. Because you know the ending of the story.

When they crucified Jesus, and He breathed His last, the temple of the chief priests and the scribes was torn into half by earthquakes. Tombs were opened and saints were raised from their sleep.

And it would happen to us.

Remember, Jesus was a nobody. He was the son of a carpenter, before He was ready to carry His cross and be the Son of God.

Remember, the first person to step into heaven, was never the holiest man, but a mere thief who had asked Jesus for redemption as he hung from the cross beside Him.

God had never glorified His name through the holiest man or the richest person. He glorified His name through tax collectors, fishermen, prostitutes. He used Joseph, son of Israel, who was envied by his brothers, to bring them peace in Egypt. And when things became harsh, He used Moses, a man who had fallen from grace to lead His people to the Promised Land. He used David, the youngest son of a shepherd, to defeat Goliath. Our God is not one who uses holy, rich people to glorify His name. Our God uses the sinners, the condemned and those who are deemed useless or weak to guide and lead His people.

And if that's what God did, who are we to do any different?

lose your way

2011-08-30T00:50:00.003+08:00

i lost my way
and i'm struggling to find my way back
where i follow the path I have carved
not you

when you've found God
it's impossible for you
to lose faith in Him

because when you've found Him
He'll keep helping you out
when you desperately need help

instead
its His people you lose faith in

not your business

2011-08-26T03:14:00.002+08:00

it scares me
when He sends help
when i least expect Him too

someone told me
"I don't think you did anything wrong"
someone helped me hold on
just when i was about to give up

someone whom
i'd least expect it from
someone whom
i never thought would understand

it's funny how
You always appear
when i'm desperate
and barely hanging on

i never said
i was right
but they never said
they were wrong either

and You showing up
makes me hope
that maybe there's
a possible future for him and i

chains and whips

2011-08-25T02:28:00.003+08:00

when i look at my reflections
sometimes, i barely recognise the person
staring right back at me

i mean no disrespect
when i say
you can't match up to us
because you can't

and trash
will always be
trash
no matter how much you dress yourself up

I remember writing you a hundred love letters after you went away. They asked why you had to go and if you missed me like I missed you.

- The Whisperings of a Broken Angel

in your heart

2011-08-20T16:52:00.002+08:00

our home won't be grand
it'll be messy
and safe

weekends will be spent
lazing around
before we pick ourselves up
and put ourselves back
into bed

lack of (insert feelings)

2011-08-10T13:25:00.003+08:00

for my best interest
you put me in misery

children need to make
as many mistakes they can
so that when they need to fly
they will soar

i still remember / and i'll never forget

2011-08-08T01:26:00.002+08:00

i have no clue where i'm headed now
there are too many things blocking my way
that i can't see the road anymore

4 years passed
and we've all (almost) moved on
long forgotten about you

but i'm still dedicating
a post each year
for you

regret still burns me
everytime i think of you
all those "what-ifs" kill me inside bit by bit

i'm in poly now
finally
even though i said i wanted to go to JC

things change
plans change
and before i knew it, i changed

can you see what's going to happen
to me
from where you are?

could you tell me
what's going to happen?
cause i'm barely hanging on again

why is it
everytime this date comes around
i'm always barely hanging on?

will there ever be a year
where i'll say
i'm having fun, for once?

i'm losing everyone again
just cause of one decision i made
they're leaving me in disgust (finally i suppose)

it hurts
losing your best friends
because they can't understand

it hurts
leaving my past behind
just because i want to move forward

it hurts
killing who i am
to be who what they want me to be

you'd understand that
won't you?
cause you were the same

i'll lit a candle
for you again
trying to say how sorry i am

i hope you can hear me
and forgive me
and thanks for listening in again.

pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt

2011-07-16T20:08:00.004+08:00

it's a cycle you can't stop
and i was a fool to think you could

i'm ugly
soul-deep
and you're pathetic
trying to be something you can never be

i'm going back
to the familiar pain
my drug
that keeps me going

i'm sorry i couldn't keep my promise
i'm sorry i lied

communication

2011-07-07T02:27:00.002+08:00

my sandcastles in the sky
that i keep building
keep crumbling down
from above me

sometimes it seems like
we'll make it
other times i think of things
that i wished weren't so

i keep wanting perfection
when i know that it exists in imperfection
i just refuse to accept that fact

you and i
are star-crossed lovers
we don't match at all
not in any way

but you and i
keep fighting for what
we think i worth fighting for
what we try to keep

but we all know how it ended
they died in the end
and so could we
if we keep on fighting

affirmed

2011-07-04T21:49:00.003+08:00

you affirming me
made me realise why God put me through so much shit

it's humbling
and exhilarating at the same time
when someone affirms me like that
and i really needed it
it was a long time coming

secretly a bookworm

2011-07-03T15:54:00.004+08:00

Ignorance may be bliss, but it certainly is not freedom, except in the minds of those who prefer darkness to light and chains to liberty. The more true information we can acquire, the better for our enfranchisement.

ROBERT HUGH BENSON, Intellectual Slavery

Instructions: Look at the list and highlight those you have read.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Inferno – Dante

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Total : 39/100

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here.

So, apparently i'm not most people -.-

conceptions

2011-07-03T01:55:00.001+08:00

i dreamt of a world
where things weren't so complicated
and everything was just
black and white

sometimes i wished
i lived in a snow globe
watching the world pass me by
while i
stay safely inside.

It was magical
With the instrumental music
Playing in the background
And the sea breeze ruffling our hair

- Magical Musical

eyes that do not see

2011-06-19T01:23:00.004+08:00

ears that do not hear,
and voices that do not speak.
and that makes us pathetic

sometimes i fear
i judge too quickly
i take it for granted
many a times
that since i'm more matured then most people
i know many things
i forget i still have a long way to go
a lot of things to learn

i keep telling others that
their eyes do not see things
not properly anyway
when that is one of my greatest faults
i thought i saw better then anyone else
and today i learnt that i was wrong

lesson learnt :
i need to slow down when coming to conclusions
i need to look harder for the truths that people hide
i need to be less judgmental like the people i condemn so

on another note though
i was listening to Lady Gaga's Judas

there's lots of hype about how
she's using God's name in vain
and how she's a devil-worshipper
and crap
well, yes, crap

at first i thought 'hmm.. is she screwing God's name here?'
until i went and saw the lyrics

it's hilarious how she puts it though
how God's love really works

Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain
Even after three times he betrays me

which is true
i mean, he repented at the end didn't he?
and God will always welcome back the lost sheep right?

although i do admit some parts are quite wacky
like

I wanna love you,
But somethin's pulling me away from you
Jesus is my Virtue
And Judas is the demon I cling to (cling to)
I cling to

but who are we to judge?

like i say
whatever goes on between me and God
stays between me and God
i have my ways of worshiping Him
you have yours
so let's not fight over it
after all
it's the same Guy

and you wished you could give them everything

2011-06-13T22:10:00.004+08:00

Didn't give you all my love
I guess now I got my payback

and now they're gone
and you wished you could give them everything

whenever i'm around you
i feel miserable
like i can't wait to get it over and done with
and go off somewhere where i won't see you

i'm miserable with you
my heart aches and my head hurts
too many questions unanswered
too many insecurities, can't trust you

today they asked me if you were my ideal guy
and i said "no"
it came so easy
without thinking, it slipped out

and before i knew it
i realized it was half-true
because i don't even know you
and neither do you know me

a week of late-night's conversation
a month's worth of meet-ups and what-nots
people don't fall that quick
love isn't something to be thrown around

i wanna start over
from the beginning
where i didn't have to worry
about getting my heart broken

where i didn't have to mind what i do
cause you weren't anyone
just no one important
i'm suffocating from all the things i can't do

how now ?
now that i've fucked up so badly.

but at the end
i wonder if you'll ever see this
or perhaps you're just like the rest
all talk, hot air, nothing done.

the truth about me

2011-06-06T01:46:00.003+08:00

if i showed you the real me
would you run away

what if
i'm really an insecure person
who's clingy and needy
would you still stick around ?

what if
i like stupid things like
reading and gaming
would you still stay ?

what if
in some ways
i have the same traits that you condemn
would you still be here ?

sometimes
we aren't careful of what we say
and we condemn people for their actions

like how some people are whiny
or how some people keep trying to catch up with others materialistically

and we dont see how
our words affects other people
and put pressure on them
not to be like that

and then these people
become so fake and pretentious
that
even they, themselves,
forget who they once were

i'm not a saint
i'm not independent
i'm not perfect

i'm clingy
i worry over things you'd never thought about
i need someone
who can constantly tell me
they aren't leaving

i can't keep to time
i get mood-swings
when i'm angry
i hate hearing the word "sorry"
when you don't even know why you're apologizing

i'm selfish
i don't like sharing things
i don't like people taking my things away
i don't like people touch my things

i'm bitchy
i bitch about everyone all the time

i'm not some great person at heart
i sometimes do things
for a selfish reason

would you still stick by me?

{note}
sometimes i wonder if
you're really listening to what i'm saying
because i keep saying the same things over and over again
but you're still not getting the message
it makes me wonder
if you were really a right decision made

crash and burn

2011-05-30T19:36:00.006+08:00

wish we could just run away

from all the politics
all the mess
all the screw-ups

if it weren't for NT and YL
my ass would be fried now
i feel guilty to have let my group down
especially when everyone worked so hard

i feel like im not doing enough
i feel like i can't make it
i feel like quitting all over again

fml

Travel to the moon
You're asleep, as you work out your dreams
There's no one here
While the light of the stars toys with me

In order to become strong
I have to remember how to smile
If we're together, I can do it

Realize that...
I'm here waiting for you
Even if the future is different from now
I'm here waiting for you
I keep on shouting
I'm sure all I have to do
Is pull in the thread that connects our hearts
So the person I was back then
Would open her eyes
No need to cry

Travel in silence
I can reach you if I stretch out my hands
The only memory I have of you
Is so far away

I can hear your voice
If I close my eyes
Even a little pain
Would be nice

Look at me
I'm here waiting for you
Even if you get lost, blown away by the wind
I'm here waiting for you
I look up at the sky
I was protecting my heart
With outstretched hands
Until the person you were back then
Looked back
No need to cry

(Feel something, feel nothing
Listen closely, listen closely)
Wide open ears
Disarm the dream tickler
In the constant moment
(You will find me where it's quiet
Listen closely, listen closely)
Let the blood flow
Through all the spaces
Of the universe

Realize that...
I'm here waiting for you
Even if the future is different from now
I'm here waiting for you
I keep on shouting
I'm sure all I have to do
Is pull in the thread that connects our hearts
So the person I was back then
Would open her eyes
No need to cry

coeur de pirate

2011-05-29T01:20:00.000+08:00

you stole my heart on a summer's breeze
and rode off in the winter's storm

Fact #10
it'll always rain when you forget to bring your brolly
so don't bring it

Fact #9
always keep photographs and letters because memories can be forgotten
don't forget to write some too

Fact #8
it'll always seem difficult now, so hang on longer
because when you look back it'll seem easier

Fact #7
sometimes spending time means sitting in front of each other, not saying a word
because silence speaks volumes

Fact #6
relax. life's actually easier then it seems.

Fact #5
don't regret. anything, everything.
look back and say, "It was brilliant."

Fact #4
keep dreaming. because the bigger you dream the higher you rise

Fact #3
i say stupid things when i'm depressed. thank you for putting up with it

Fact #2
is a secret hope that you'd catch me when i fall

Fact #1
is a continuation of Fact #2. because i'm terribly, impossibly, completely, utterly and irrevocably in love with you.

what happens after that?

sunshine after the rain

2011-05-26T11:28:00.000+08:00

it's the light at the end of the tunnel
the sunshine after the rain
that keeps us going

you need to hold on
we are all broken people inside
but we're strong
it's not over yet

they'll break us down even more
they'll push us past our limits
they'll hurt us till we can't get up

but we'll get up
we'll fight harder
we'll learn to fly high

because we can

realization

2011-05-22T00:59:00.005+08:00

I met a boy by the river
And we made love by the fire

I'm a girl
and I can't understand girls
I don't get them most of the time
unless they're simple
and don't need attention

I can't read their minds
and more than once
they are the worst people to have around
because they turn around and hurt you

I'm a girl
and i don't like girls

but boys are on a whole new playing field
because they can break your heart

intervention

2011-05-15T23:45:00.005+08:00

when you least expect it
the tides will change

c'est magnifique
mumbling mumbles
your broken teeth shows

it seems like "sorry"s'
the only thing i can say
i don't know what else
i can do
to ease your pain

i'm messed up
outside and in
maybe its better
if we didn't see each other for awhile

i don't know anymore

perceptions and exceptions

2011-05-12T13:54:00.000+08:00

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree
Travel the World and the Seven Seas
Everybody's looking for something

beauty is skin deep
you get old
you get wrinkles
you get fat and lumpy

wit and candor
you need to survive
to be able to charm gold from rocks
is a gift eternal

there is a kindness
where the ugly ones always get the best
because beauty is unfortunately
only skin deep

fast forward to the year 2014

2011-05-09T19:50:00.004+08:00

speed up the time
it moves too slow
but slow it down at those special moments
it moves too fast

maybe if i knew what was in it for us
i wouldn't fear so much
maybe if i could fast forward the time
and everything would be over
i'll start over

too many plans
too many hopes
too many dreams

we can't stop now that we're here

thy future;

2011-05-04T14:37:00.001+08:00

holding hands
hobbling down the street
just you and me

because we can't stop talking to each other
because we have dreams together

summer rain , winter breeze

2011-05-04T00:04:00.003+08:00

we'll kiss
even if no one agrees

give or take a couple of years
i'll stand up there with you one day

i don't know what gives me the courage to say so
or what madness drives me

but i'm taking that risk
will you?

sugar rush

2011-05-01T01:29:00.003+08:00

i'm screaming
but you can't seem to hear me

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

there's more then one way to God
yours isn't the only way
though the road is constricted
it's not the only road

what matters most
is you get there at the end

all that chit-chat

2011-04-19T21:42:00.004+08:00

i didn't fell in love with you
because you held my hand and said i was gorgeous
i fell in love with you
because we always having things to talk about

i find it extremely amusing
that we haven't ran out of things to talk about
and that we can keep at it
for hours and hours

don't stop

when we dream

2011-04-14T09:41:00.004+08:00

waking up and finding you there beside me
i fell in love with that

being away from you
is like not breathing

doesn't matter if
we're talking or watching movies
doesn't matter if
we are just sitting side by side not saying a word

i can't be apart from you
doesn't feel right
when i go through a day
without seeing your face, hearing your voice

i start missing you
the moment i let go of your hand
i start missing you
every time i blink for a millisecond

it's your touch i'm craving for
to tell me you're still here

in a heartbeat

2011-04-09T03:18:00.006+08:00

if i could turn back the time and speed it up
i'd fall in love with you in a heartbeat

you like airplanes
i forgot about them.

and milk pudding
and beer
we can't forget that.

you like chuck.
god knows why it was created
'cause Bones is way better.

you like music
and ad-libbing
but i do it better than you

you like me
and making me happy
which is another mystery in itself

that's why i'm saying
Don't Leave

And I know it's been
Such a long time
Since we've just been friends
And not soldiers on
The front line of a war
That we were born into
But we've got to do this together
Don't leave me

i won't run

2011-04-07T05:27:00.003+08:00

if i wake up tomorrow
will you still be here ?

because i can't run
if i could
i won't
not after someone who won't stay here

but if i ran
would you run after me ?

it's your scent
and the taste of you
a mish-mash of alcohol
spice and everything nice
and most of all
it's yours
your special scent
that i'm intoxicated with.

make it or break it

2011-04-05T00:51:00.004+08:00

how much more
can you take
because
you don't look very strong there

you keep running
never daring to stand your ground
maybe that's why
nothing really goes your way.

you're my mood-maker

2011-03-30T03:12:00.003+08:00

"I can fix that."
that's what you said
when i couldn't

and you did.
even when you couldn't
you kept trying.

but what happens when you get tired
of fixing things?

dicks , cunts and fucking fuck-ups

2011-03-28T14:25:00.003+08:00

i'm tired and you're plain bitchy

what's next ?
don't tell me that's all you've got
i know you better then that

who else do you like to screw ?
tell me straight in my face
don't be such a piss ass coward

ohwait
you are .
well now , that settles things doesn't it ?

wake up bitch , the world doesn't revolve around you

remembering , that's what we do best .

2011-03-21T03:23:00.003+08:00

to sleep on brushwood every night
and taste bitter gall before every meal

i'll remember
every word said
every insult given

i'll remember
every whip on my back
every scar left

i'll remember
even if you forget
even if you don't remember

i do

hypocrites

2011-03-18T03:32:00.003+08:00

you sing praises of God
and follow every Commandment to the 'T'
and yet you turn around and curse others
with the same mouth that had just praised Him

Let the one among you
who is WITHOUT sin
throw the first stone at her.

who are we to judge
who are we to say what's right and what's not
we may be the poorest of beggars
or the richest of men
we may be the greatest sinners
or the holiest man
but we are not God
and we do not have a right to judge

we are still human
priest or no priest
sinner or no sinner
we make mistakes

i will not say
i have not do anything
that does not please God
because i have
knowingly , unknowingly
i have

yet
it is not judgment i have here today
it is disappointment
pity
hurt

but i will not let myself fall to that level
i see the mistakes made
i will attempt not to follow

narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life
and those who find it are few.

on full display , and yet invisible to all .

2011-03-15T01:43:00.003+08:00

it's like the bitter taste of poison
and a knife twisting in my heart

it's irrational
senseless
ridiculous

you can try not to think of it
but it doesn't stop haunting you
changing you , affecting you

and me ?
i just want to run away
start over
hide under my blankets pretending it's not real
so that the stabbing pain in my chest would stop

but reality's not that nice
it likes to taunt you like that
till you can't take it
till you break

and yet
we can't stop wanting it
that sweet sweet poison we call
love

the water's gone cold now

2011-03-14T00:48:00.002+08:00

i am speaking
but you're not really listening

because we all feel like this sometimes.

because i can't say it out loud

2011-03-12T01:12:00.003+08:00

i fear for my heart
because i do not know
how many times
i can glue the fragments back together over and over again

because you say those three words
far too easily
because i don't like getting
my heart shattered

because i rather everyone else get hurt
than me
because i can't survive much
if you leave

but it'll be justified
if you did
because i'll just be getting my
just desserts

2011-03-11T02:11:00.000+08:00

can you cover your ears
and listen ?
can you close your eyes
and see ?

because i daren't speak my mind
words fail me
as i think about what
i need to tell you

you who always found
the courage to tell me things
whereas my courage
tend to dissipate when it comes to vital things

so i need you
to close your eyes and see
the things i need to show you

i need you
to cover your ears and hear
the important things i need to say

me demander, pourquoi j'ai pleuré

breakfast at tiffany's

2011-03-09T23:24:00.003+08:00

i'll follow you to wonderland
and back

we talk
and that's important
more important than everything else
because once we stop talking
we drift away

and we don't want that now , do we?

keep on building them sandcastles in the air

2011-02-21T01:07:00.002+08:00

hon, i think i just found the perfect home

for you
who always encourages
always supports
always dreams

i did right by you

when i'm kissing you my senses come alive

2011-02-12T12:11:00.003+08:00

i don't know where this could go

IM SO GONNA BE LATE AND IM STILL HERE BLOGGING.
hee

but i didn't go back to sleep
i was busy being productive
so there
*smirk*

tandem

2011-01-31T01:50:00.003+08:00

i like walking in tandem
with you
in the rain
at night

i feel like i'm falling apart somedays
caught in-between
i don't know what i should do

am i doing the right thing ?
what if its a 'i told you so'

but i'm falling deeper
more and more
each day

if retribution comes
i hope it only happens to me
and no one else
will get hurt

and when we kiss

2011-01-27T02:32:00.002+08:00

sparks fly
like the forth of july

when it comes
it comes
for now
i'll just enjoy our time together

give me a little more time
i'll do right by you this time

time's all everyone needs

2011-01-26T00:18:00.003+08:00

just a little more time honey
and i'll let you pull me along

you're like a river
pulling every one along
and never stopping for anyone

he was a lake
the only time you see it move
was when you watch the ripples on the surface

i apologize

2011-01-25T01:17:00.002+08:00

blame it on my fickle heart

i realised my JAE application results
comes out tomorrow at 8am
oooh...

ahh screw it
been there done that
can't remember most of it
hah

well more like died once already
what does it matter if i died again ?

don't look back

2011-01-10T01:12:00.003+08:00

but i already knew
that he'd never do that for me

if i made this decision
i have to stick to it
i can't turn back time
i can't look back

there's no more going back
once i've done this
and i'm going to hurt
everyone who cared about me

i know i shouldn't be selfish
but i can't help it
the grass is always greener
on the other side

and yet
the only miserable thing i can say
is 'i'm sorry'
which doesn't really cover it

i only can say
i'm leaving
to stick my head up in the clouds
with him with me

because you
could never do that
but i'll always remember you
and what i've done to you

i'll probably need you
to hate me
for what
i am about to do

tell me how, now ?

2011-01-09T03:19:00.002+08:00

and i'm fickle-minded, bitchy
and impossible to please

i wonder
if i really am falling for you
because
with you
i can speak my mind
and not stop to
make it simpler
for you to understand

with you
i know what you'd do
because
it's the exact same thing
i'd do if i were you

with you
i'm always laughing
cause you have tales to telling
and we have
tons of inside jokes shared

but
that's just for now
our little scandal has
to end
what am i going to do
i don't know myself

and i no longer know

2011-01-02T21:17:00.005+08:00

and your light shines brighter
then any other

to tell you honestly
i dont know what i should do any longer
sometimes i get so caught up in the moment
i forget that everything can disappear in a split second

i spent those special days with you
when it was supposed to be spent with someone else
im confused now
"no pressure" you said
"i want you to choose what you think is best for yourself"
but i dont know what's best for me

there are 1001 what-ifs and maybes
and when i think of them
i just can't make up my mind

i only know one thing
i shouldn't have gotten close to you
cause now
all three of us are going to end up hurt
instead of just two
and if i feel like being a real bitch
i could probably throw in another one into the equation
so that all of us can get broken hearts together

fml.

christmas magic

2010-12-22T01:17:00.003+08:00

because it's Christmas
when unexpected miracles happen

i really do love Christmas
magic happens on this one special day
whether you want it to or not
it gives me this awesome warm fuzzy feeling
like im all warm, happy and contented

the greatest gift we get each year is life

on that one day
i hope
no guns will fire
no bombs explode
and enemies will become friends
even though its for one day only

君が好き

2010-12-18T02:02:00.003+08:00

'i love you'
even though i don't say it enough

i wished you were the one
i had walked down orchard road with this year
i really do

we forgot to do that last christmas
and this christmas we wont be able to
will there be a next christmas for us ?

confusion

2010-12-13T03:37:00.003+08:00

he made me bloom
his little wallflower

He's the last person
I'm thinking of before I fall asleep
He snores, I know
He doesn't care

- Wallflower

it's been a loooong time since i've posted
hahah

pattaya was awesome
new bonds were made
friends were made
it was ten days of awesome mind-blowing fun

yeah it was filled to the brim with scandals too
ahaha

my new buddy's heading off again tomorrow
have a safe trip ! come back soon !

i shall attempt to cross out
the things i wrote on my
what i shall do after O levels list
i have sucessfully crossed out 2 already
and tomorrow i shall attempt to cross out the third

i have to say
im looking forward to the india trip very much
even though i heard its quite terrible
i believe it should prove to be evoking and impactful
and it will continues to push me to walk on water

which reminds me of something funny today
God kept talking to me today
or maybe im just paranoid
hahah

it's very entertaining~

scream for me

2010-11-10T03:57:00.000+08:00

and you catch my eye

yes he does
OMG
hahah
he is so damn cute

it's been a long time coming

2010-11-02T02:04:00.003+08:00

If God can accomplish His purpose in this world through a broken heart, then why not thank Him for breaking yours?

it's been a long time
since i spoke to Him
since i sought His warmth
He was always there
but i always strayed

yeah
shake your heads
here's the thing.
i can't give a damn
you're too judgmental
it's unsurprising people are turning away instead

but i'm going off topic again

i look around me
and i see myself
being surrounded by so many strong people

i remember crashing and burning
closing off
and running away
sometimes things are harder to deal with then they really seem

i keep reminding myself
how i should give thanks and praise Him everyday
i really tried
but sometimes you get so caught up
you forget that He has bigger plans for us

i need a daily reminder of some sort
He has bigger plans for us all

a fellow Christian once told me
"God doesn't solve everything"
i didn't say anything
respect i suppose (surprise i have any left for anyone)

but i remember thinking
"I'm just bloody glad I'm still alive"
i could have died
gone missing
probably never met any of the people i love now
but i was still alive

it's hard
struggling everyday
and just when you think everything's alright now
"BAM" something else hits you again
and you'll find yourself asking "Why"
"Is there no justice?"
"I have tried to do everything to please you"
"Why me? Why AGAIN?"

then you realise
one day
no warning, no clue
years later, after leaving Him, and not turning back

It was done to strengthen you for the trials ahead

truly, if we did not wallow in our self-pity
we would have gotten up again
and we would have fought
harder
for our lives
to fulfill His purpose
to finish His bigger plan

He would not have left us there
as we struggled to move
crawling and dragging our bodies along
getting bloodied along the way
He would have crawled alongside us
whatever injuries we sustain
He receives thousand times over

i feel foolish now
for questioning Him
for leaving Him again
and it wasn't as though He didn't stop me
little signs and signals He gave out
i chose to ignore

and when He could not reach me
He kept running after me
until He caught me all over again
and i find myself breaking down in front of Him
apologizing, promising empty promises
and yet He believes them

maybe it's time to stop fighting Him

calling ye faith-followers : Ryebread

stir shit up

2010-10-30T03:47:00.003+08:00

your voice used to make my heart pound.
but not anymoer

The music was pounding
My heart beat along with it
The bodies grinding
Hands feeling, stench of sweat high in the air

You were dead drunk
Face red, speech blurred
You were dead drunk
I tried to tell myself that, couldn’t survive if I didn't

- Under the Disco Ball

When do you know it's time to stop
Where exactly should you say enough
Time keeps going - it doesn't stop for you to make a decision
Yes or no makes a world of difference

- Mind-Fucking

maybe , i dont know

2010-10-27T00:57:00.003+08:00

seems like i'm no longer laughing
seems like we're fighting more each day

i want to know
what are we fighting for

i'm afraid
sometimes you're like all of them
thrown together
to mess me up

sometimes
you talk to much
promise me empty promises
and do too little

sometimes
you don't talk at all
keeping everything to yourself
making me wonder what's going on

point 1 - what are we fighting for

what if we're at the end already
what if you're fighting for a pointless cause
what if we're not meant to be

maybe i'm thinking too much again
as usual
like normal

but you're not giving me
the security
to not think to much

point 2 - what if i'm right and you're wrong

what if i'm right about you
what if you're just in love with the idea of being in love
what if you subconsciously chose me because i was there

it's too easy
it's not supposed to be this easy
good things don't happen to me

i'm supposed to be disappointed
hurt and writhing in pain
i'm supposed to be left alone

point 3 - i'm tired, i'm sure you are too

aren't you
me being bitchy and unreasonable
you never taking the initiative

it's mind-fucking
we going over it almost EVERY SINGLE MONTH
it's more then enough

point 4 - i don't know anymore

we knew from the start
this might not have a happy ending
we kept hoping it would though

now i'm stuck in-between
to let go , or not to let go
i don't know about you (you never tell me anything)

**** **** ****

i don't think you'll see this though
it's not as if you're those guy
who will give a shit a save my blog website somewhere
they do have this thing called favourites you know ?

i'm contradicting myself now
i know
it was just 8days ago when i said
"let's take it slow" and "if we work hard we'll make it"

i don't know
i'm having a migraine now
just from trying to figure us out

my Mr. Perfect in my head would go
"baby, we don't need figuring out.
there's you. and there's me.
and then, there's us. simple as that"

but it ain't fair to you
it isn't fair at all
i should be fair - or at least attempt to

but i don't know what to do anymore
i just don't